What's with all these hoofy-looking shoe profiles lately? I keep seeing these really unattractive shoes that are supposed to look sexy, but from the side they look really clompy and unattractive. plus these make the foot appear to be huge...I thought women didn't want that.

Squwak!

Is that a PARROT? I don't get how really horrible imagery from the 80's is chic, now.

I totally don't get this weird shgladiatorboot - thing. Or is it a Glandaloot? It looks like an afterthought. Like one of those Crazy Fashion Girls decided to wrap a bunch of shit around her ankles in an attempt to be outre. Oh, wait, the word to use is EDGY, now.






Here's more of the hideous ankle-swathing, from Irregular Choice (and finding bad shoes from this company is like shooting fish in a barrel; anywhere your eye lands on that website is an exercise in restraint - try not to scream!) Hellllloooo? Is that a FEED BAG strapped to your leg? Are you feeding your foot like it's a horse? Easy, big fella:

Sometimes, it's just too easy

I mean, really. Or, rather, REEEEAALLLLY. You may find it hard to believe, but I have a thing for furry boots - it's pretty 60's-era Cher-tastic, and Cher was fairly righteous back then. And I have no beef with the buckle. But somehow, it doesn't work.

Vrrrt.*

That's my fart noise. Well, not MY fart noise, but when I'm trying to make a comedic, yet not grossly realistic reference to farting, that's the sound I make - with my mouth. It's pronounced "verrrt." Brevity and a barely-perceptible amount of lip-parting is essential in accuarate replication. Anywho:

Do I need to discuss the offense(s) here? Or will Sling Back Loafer be sufficient?

Sill looking for loafers

Buy some black loafers: My mandate. I have been trying; once a week, I log onto Z's, and type in all permutations of "Women: Flats: Loafers: Black: 10. And every week, I am disappointed. But last week, I came across these, and I was all, "OMG, Kate Spade makes Dick Loafers for girls!" In a perky patent!

I'm at a loss

It's bad enough that they exist:

But they come in a nice, springy white, too!




Gladiator-Sunday Schoool